Oh, Holy Night. It’s the favorite night of the year for millions of children, Christmas Eve. It’s also the busiest day for one very important man, Santa Claus.
We all know he’s one holly jolly fellow and full of Christmas spirit, but also a sly criminal? Think about it… the legal lines are quite blurred for Santa while he’s out delivering all those gifts. Just for fun of course, we’ve compiled some of Father Christmas’s alleged transgressions.
Santa’s Habitual Crimes
First off, Santa crosses international borders like it’s going out of style. Think he flashes his passport each and every time? We at H & P think not. He would have to land his sleigh at every border, only to find that the federal workers had gone home for Christmas Eve. This could be the equivalent of massive airspace and customs violations.
The most obvious crime though, would be home invasion. Sliding down chimney after chimney is grounds for breaking and entering. Does he have consent from all of those homeowners to do so? (There is probably an argument there for implied consent, at least if he only enters the homes of those with Christmas trees and cookies awaiting.) In addition, he technically is ‘taking’ snacks and beverages from countless homes. Sure, they may have been left for him but you see where we’re going with this.
Big brother has got nothing on Santa’s ability to gather intelligence. His surveillance is global, and for good reason. He’s got to accurately compile his naughty or nice list. “He sees you when you’re sleeping”? That sounds a lot like stalking. Plus “he knows when you’re awake.” Privacy violations or unlawful surveillance anyone?
We hate to bring this one up, but emotional distress could very well be a part of Santa’s so-called crimes. Seriously, what is a child supposed to think/feel when they find lumps of coal in their stocking? A judge could determine it is an intentional infliction of emotional distress on St. Nick’s behalf. One way to avoid that, stay on the nice list kids.
Finally, and most certainly not the least, tax evasion. Think our favorite jolly man has paid taxes to any sort of tax authority? Can you even begin to imagine the losses he racks up each season?! It’s estimated he gives away $142 trillion in toys and gadgets ‘manufactured’ in the North Pole. He could owe anything from income tax liablity to payroll taxes for his humble group of elves.
Speaking of which, unless there is an elves union we don’t know about, there are some serious questions about whether Santa is paying his elves, since he has no apparent source of income. We can only imagine, too, the OSHA would have a field day if they saw the kinds of things elves are making without proper safety equipment.
Santa, talk about the definition a repeat offender. Then again, he does live in the North Pole, which from what we can tell, does not have an official owner, so it would be a real mess trying to figure out whose laws apply up there, or if any laws have jurisdictional reach that extensive.
Would all this put Santa on the naughty or nice list? You be the judge. And in case you’re reading this big guy, the legal team at H & P would be more than happy to represent you should the law come calling. You know where to find us.
